Not too long ago, my daughter introduced my son to “Home Alone.” It’s a holiday classic, albeit one that I’ve never been fond of. I’ve never liked that movie, though since my four-year-old has discovered it, I have now seen it about 347 times.
I recently noticed something about the movie, however, that makes me like it better. I’ve figured out what Kevin’s father’s job is.
Kevin’s dad is a mobster.
You heard me. In “Home Alone,” Kevin’s father is an actual Godfather. It’s the only explanation that makes sense.
Let’s start from the very beginning: Seriously, what could this guy possibly be doing for a living? He can afford that huge mansion, plus a French vacation for the entire extended family, plus over a hundred bucks for pizza, and that’s just what we see in the first five minutes. Clearly, the family is not hurting for money.
They also live in Chicago, a city not exactly known for its avoidance of mobsters. I’ve been to Chicago, and I actually quite like the place. But judging from the movies I’ve seen, roughly 118% of Chicago is populated by the Mafia. (One percent is Dick Tracy.) So he is wealthy in Chicago, which is already suspicious.
As Joe Pesci impersonates a cop---Another big red flag, and we’re not even ten minutes into the movie---The first thing Kevin’s dad says is “Am I under arrest?” This is not a question that an innocent man leads with. If you haven’t committed a crime, you ask if there’s a problem, or how you can help the officer, or what’s going on. The fact that Kevin’s father jumps to that question immediately tells me a lot about his activities.
Kevin McCallister (clearly, this is the Irish Mob) shows something of an unnatural interest in the Mafia himself. Left alone, pining for his family, the one movie we see him view is an old mobster movie. He watches it repeatedly, likely because it reminds him of his dad. He even uses it to scare an innocent pizza delivery guy midway through the film.
This theory actually clears up a problem I’ve always had with this movie. The pizza guy runs for his life, thinking he’s been shot at. How are the police not storming the place five minutes later? I’ve always wondered that, but now I get it. Either the pizza guy knows who owns the house, and was too afraid to report the crime, or he did report it, and the cops have been bribed to stay away.
Kevin, having gotten some glimpse of his dad’s activities over the years, has learned a bit. He may not know all the details, but he has no problem being ruthlessly violent with his enemies. He uses broken glass, blowtorches, and red-hot metal on them, which is not something your average kid thinks to do. Not unless he’s somehow been exposed to that sort of violence, maybe hearing some discussions with a few henchmen when his dad thought he wasn’t listening.
And at the very end, when Kevin’s father finds the gold tooth on the floor, take a good, long look at the expression on his face. Clearly, he is interpreting this as some sort of warning. That guy is wondering when they’re going to escalate to horse heads.
Say what you will, you can’t deny that this explains a lot. I’m assuming there’s a deleted scene where, out of retaliation, Harry and Marv get shanked in prison.
I recently noticed something about the movie, however, that makes me like it better. I’ve figured out what Kevin’s father’s job is.
Kevin’s dad is a mobster.
You heard me. In “Home Alone,” Kevin’s father is an actual Godfather. It’s the only explanation that makes sense.
Let’s start from the very beginning: Seriously, what could this guy possibly be doing for a living? He can afford that huge mansion, plus a French vacation for the entire extended family, plus over a hundred bucks for pizza, and that’s just what we see in the first five minutes. Clearly, the family is not hurting for money.
They also live in Chicago, a city not exactly known for its avoidance of mobsters. I’ve been to Chicago, and I actually quite like the place. But judging from the movies I’ve seen, roughly 118% of Chicago is populated by the Mafia. (One percent is Dick Tracy.) So he is wealthy in Chicago, which is already suspicious.
As Joe Pesci impersonates a cop---Another big red flag, and we’re not even ten minutes into the movie---The first thing Kevin’s dad says is “Am I under arrest?” This is not a question that an innocent man leads with. If you haven’t committed a crime, you ask if there’s a problem, or how you can help the officer, or what’s going on. The fact that Kevin’s father jumps to that question immediately tells me a lot about his activities.
Kevin McCallister (clearly, this is the Irish Mob) shows something of an unnatural interest in the Mafia himself. Left alone, pining for his family, the one movie we see him view is an old mobster movie. He watches it repeatedly, likely because it reminds him of his dad. He even uses it to scare an innocent pizza delivery guy midway through the film.
This theory actually clears up a problem I’ve always had with this movie. The pizza guy runs for his life, thinking he’s been shot at. How are the police not storming the place five minutes later? I’ve always wondered that, but now I get it. Either the pizza guy knows who owns the house, and was too afraid to report the crime, or he did report it, and the cops have been bribed to stay away.
Kevin, having gotten some glimpse of his dad’s activities over the years, has learned a bit. He may not know all the details, but he has no problem being ruthlessly violent with his enemies. He uses broken glass, blowtorches, and red-hot metal on them, which is not something your average kid thinks to do. Not unless he’s somehow been exposed to that sort of violence, maybe hearing some discussions with a few henchmen when his dad thought he wasn’t listening.
And at the very end, when Kevin’s father finds the gold tooth on the floor, take a good, long look at the expression on his face. Clearly, he is interpreting this as some sort of warning. That guy is wondering when they’re going to escalate to horse heads.
Say what you will, you can’t deny that this explains a lot. I’m assuming there’s a deleted scene where, out of retaliation, Harry and Marv get shanked in prison.
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